Old-fashioned Texas Wisdom 

“You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” Nana said in her slow Texas drawl, the word ‘honey’ stretched out long and sweet. At the time, I was little, and I don’t think I had any idea what she was talking about, but I knew that if my Nana said it, first, it was true, and second, I better do it. I adored her. 

Nana, my maternal grandmother, born and raised in Cleburne, was Texan to the core. Born in the late 19th century, she was raised in a strict household of a dozen children who were expected to do their household chores whatever their age, obey, speak only when spoken to, and not talk back. Absolutely no talking back. As long as everyone behaved, life was good in the crowded household. All the children, including Nana, the youngest, were instilled with Texas wisdom and truisms that she passed down to my mother and to me. 

Though I was raised in a different south, Southern California, I grew up listening to Texas vernacular. And lots and lots of advice. It was common to hear about something not being worth a "hill of beans." I knew when trouble was brewing because I heard that someone was "blowin’ up a storm."  I knew that when Nana said, “if I had my druthers,” she meant she’d really prefer to be doing something else or doing it differently.

During my teen years, I often heard “hold your horses,” particularly when Mama or Nana became exasperated with me. I knew they meant to stop whatever it was I was doing or thinking or saying. 

Even though I was being raised in laid-back San Diego, and by then Nana lived up the road in Los Angeles, she still expected me to behave like a Texas young lady and if it took every ounce of her collective Texas will, she was going to make sure I towed the line.  

Though my grandfather gave her a good life, and she never wanted for anything, she had standards for her daughter and her granddaughters. Mama was raised in Texas, where Nana tried to instill principles in a headstrong daughter determined to make her own way. She wasn’t always successful, which is why she was determined to mold me into a proper Texas young lady at as early an age as she could. However, she was up against a societal force, the 1960s, where any and everything was up for change. If I said that her ways were old-fashioned, and not how we were doing things today, Nana would flutter her hand, as though she were batting away an annoying fly. 

“Manners never go out of style,” she would respond, a firm tone to her voice.

While I heard about manners a lot, it was that phrase about flies and honey and vinegar that kept seeping into conversations. When I was around five, I asked what she meant. Nana explained that I would get a lot further if I was nice than if I misbehaved. And didn’t talk back, definitely, no talking back, just like in the house where she was raised. 

I thought I was an easy-going kid who rarely needed disciplining, but in retrospect, I now realize that I must not have been as perfect as I thought because I heard that phrase a lot. I’ll tell you one thing; it made an impact. It was simple advice on how to get along in this life. She wasn’t just telling me how to get what I wanted, as in – be nice to people and they will be nice to you, which was true. No, it was about good manners and how to act properly in a civil society, and how to treat others. Without even being aware of what was happening, I took her advice to heart. It became a way of life.

It wasn’t until years later, long after she passed on, that I realized she knew exactly what she was talking about. Born in a slower time, when the most exciting moment of the day was watching fireflies dance in the yard as the daylight waned, she saw society changing faster than she could comprehend. Yet, she knew that some things shouldn’t change, and if she worked at it, that she had a shot at instilling old-fashioned grace and sensibility in her grandchildren. It was all she had to give us. I don’t think I ever even knew that she was instilling a pearl of wisdom that would carry me through life. She taught me well that honey is sweeter, and sweet wins over sour any day.